I’m not a chef. Sure, I’m a decent cook, but baking something in a water bath is beyond how much focus I have and frankly, I don’t care that much. I’m the sort of cook that likes to throw a bunch of shit in a pot and is lucky enough to know what tastes good together. When it comes to baking, unlike my sister who seems to think stale cereal is a catch-all substitute ingredient, I’m capable enough to make a delicious tasting cake, even if I can’t get the bloody thing out of the pan.

So when I figured out that I needed to remove wheat from my diet (because let’s be honest, no one is crying over the loss of barley or rye), I knew it was time to put on my big girl apron. For some, that means establishing residency in the cookbook section at Barnes and Noble or watching hours of waif-like kitchen sprites grind garbanzo beans and milk almonds on YouTube. For me, stepping up my game meant shopping for gluten-free mixes. Hey, America solved the nation’s baking dilemma with delicious Bisquick, so why couldn’t it do the same with those gluten-free mixes?

Let me save you the endless hours walking the baking aisles of your grocery store. Those mixes are crap. Now, I haven’t tried ALL of them, but the ones that make it seem like sumptuous buttermilk biscuits can be yours again, beware. I have attempted cookies, muffins and biscuits with these “bake alls” and unless you like the taste of sorrow in every bite, don’t even bother.


Among the many things I’ve been missing, pancakes is oddly at the top of the list. Trolling the internet, I found a recipe on that had many of the old familiar ingredients (baking soda, eggs) but some of those odd ones that made it seem like I was in chem lab as opposed to cooking breakfast. After sorting through ingredient substitutions and breaking a few laws of nutrition, I came up with this recipe that ACTUALLY TASTES LIKE A GODDAMNED PANCAKE. These totally gluten-free AF pancakes are spongy and light, rather nutty in flavor (although I’m sure if I used fresher flour as opposed to the leftovers found in the back of a cupboard that taste would change) and chew like a pancake and not like a drink coaster. You get all of the ingredients in your local grocery store or Trader Joe’s. Makes enough for a family of four (1 gfaf, 3 not so much).

1/4 c. Coconut flour
1 1/2c. Brown rice flour
1 tsp. ground chia seeds (buy regular seeds and grind them in your coffee grinder. Hey, it’s breakfast, so coffee tasting pancakes are a bonus!)
3 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt
3 tsp. sugar

1 1/3 c. milk of some form (cow, goat, almond, rice, coconut)
4 eggs
4 tblsp. oil (veg, coconut… whatever)
splash of vanilla

toasted coconut
gf chocolate chips
peanut butter/sunflower seed butter/almond butter…but not cookie butter, because that is not gluten-free 😦

In a bowl, mix dry ingredients. In another bowl, stir together wet ingredients. Combine wet with dry, stir out the lumps. Let mixture stand for 5 minutes. Heat pan/griddle with butter or coconut oil (I’ve found coconut oil smokes more but heats more evenly) and cook.

(*’AF’ stands for ‘as f*$#’ because when you have to give up one of life’s basic joys you should declare it single every time.)