daviddheart

Dear David,

It has been a while since you’ve heard from me. Perhaps you don’t recall my initial communication, or maybe it is tucked away in your underwear drawer, so that Téa might not find it. Either way, I wanted to follow up my initial romantic musings since I find that who I was in my 30’s has changed somewhat and there are a few additional insights that I’d like to share.

First, I forgive you for not dumping Téa and sweeping me off of my wedding altar, as previously suggested in my first letter, a mere 11 years ago. After Bree Sharp’s infantile song, “David Duchovny, Why Don’t You Love Me”, I can understand how my very real admission of love can seem like yet another pandering attempt at sex with a celebrity. While I don’t dismiss my own pandering attempt, mine was much more earnest as well as grammatically correct, and therefore prose to be taken a bit more seriously.

Second, if you are indeed still considering my offer to come carry me away to a life of witty repartee and hot alien role play, let me point out that I did marry that man that you left me with on the altar, and we did pop out a couple of kids. So, don’t be surprised if a toothy little six year old, probably with chocolate smeared on her lips, gives you the stink eye when she answers the door. Lately she has taken to supreme disappointment when I arrive to pick her up for anything, so she’ll have no issue with my departure.

I should inform you that I am no longer the be-damned-for-consequences person I once was. While I used to live on a diet of chili cheese dogs and Fresca, I’m now more of a hearty vegetarian stew with quinoa kind of a girl. My drink is no longer several gin martinis with blue cheese stuffed olives (I’ve discovered I’m lactose intolerant – something that can only help us both), but a simple glass of French wine or a fair trade coffee. While I still love good sci-fi, I prefer one that doesn’t involve naked women being ravaged by monsters of any sort. I like a healthy female lead with a head that remains on her shoulders. Somewhere along the way, extreme choices in food, drink and entertainment felt great in the moment, but the aftermath of ugly that stuck with me became too high a price to pay.

I love children now, which is a bonus since I have a couple, as do you. They don’t terrify the crap out of me anymore, and I find myself able to understand them better than the adults around me. I used to find their constant questions and curiosity annoying. I can’t help but wonder if that is because uncertainty in any form can be my own kryptonite. Now I see the constant questioning perspective of children as a different way to see the world and an opportunity to remember who I am when I don’t know all of the answers either.

And, about that man that I did end up marrying … I made a good choice. All of my secret fears of totally committing myself to someone only to have them emotionally crack me open like a coconut, drain out all of my marrow and leave me dehydrated and disintegrating, never materialized. I didn’t need you to save me from myself and my pending marriage. Probably the best thing that ever happened to me was that you never showed up.

Please David, don’t be upset. It’s not you, it’s me.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that while I am different, and not in any of the ways that I would have wished for 11 years ago, I love my life now. I reached out to you to save me from a life that I imagined with fear, and asked you to replace it with an idealized version born from stories created by others.  Instead I should have realized that imagining my life with hope, born from my own romantic dreams, was a much more realistic and very possible outcome.

Let’s just be friends. Why don’t you stop over? We can have a lovely glass of wine, heck bring Téa and the girls! We’ll sit around and wax philosophically about life, government conspiracies and the role of women in sci-fi programming. I’ll bake us a batch of gluten-free pumpkin muffins and we’ll laugh over our French presses. I’d love to get to know you as a friend, a father and a real human being. My days of celebrity love obsessions and make believe realities are over. I’m interested in what makes real people fall in love, chase their dreams and cry out loud.

If you’re interested, give me a shout back. But don’t wait too long. I’m guessing I’ll hear back from Jon Stewart any day now.

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